I woke up last Friday feeling better than I thought I might. Thursday night had been just the second in my own bed in nearly two full weeks. Our Labrador, Juno, who seemed a bit distant the night before, was her go-lucky self. I was more conflicted.
On the one hand, I was elated but exhausted. I am an extravert, which means that I gain energy by being around people. Working from home and slogging through lockdowns especially suck for people like me, so it was great to be back meeting new people and connecting with old colleagues. On the other hand, I was frustrated. The data on my scale and my fitness/sleep tracker confirmed what body was telling me – it was February 4th and my personal health goals for 2022 had already gone to hell in a handbasket.
Four conferences, two weeks of hotel beds, late nights, large meals and wine and the intensity of numerous meetings meant that I got little sleep, less exercise, ate poorly, and was inconsistent with my mindfulness, something critical for my mental health. My belt and the bags under my eyes didn’t lie.
My first reaction was to resume my normal pattern of beating myself up for my failure. Hadn’t I just started the New Year at GreenPoint with a message to the company talking about the power of habits and encouraging people to form new ones? So much for living the example and leading from the front.
Thankfully, somewhere in the recesses of my brain, a distant conversation with an old friend, Russ, resurfaced. Russ is a retired psychologist specializing in addiction recovery. I remembered our conversation over Thanksgiving turkey several years ago. I asked him if he had any patients who relapsed.
“Of course,” he said, “It’s part of the process.”
“What did you do then?” I asked.
He perked up and smiled and said something to the effect of, “The new ones would come in all depressed, full of defeat and self-loathing. They would want to quit, embarrassed at their failure. I would ask them a simple question, ‘How many times have you fallen off the wagon?’ And for the new ones, I would explain that the average person relapses from addiction seven times before they set new patterns and break free from addiction. For the older ones, we would just keep count, as a bit of a game. I would then remind them that if they want to get better, they needed to hurry up and get back on the wagon, so they can fall off again six more times…and that was just to make it to average.”
I remember being floored by it. Seven times! That seemed crazy. I have been blessed in that I have never faced addiction to drugs or alcohol. I cannot imagine the mental and physical strength required to break free of the monster’s tight grip and stay clean through life’s many challenges. But as I’ve continued my personal leadership journey (which starts with a better understanding of myself), I’ve realized that I’ve got my own patterns, my own “addictions.” They may not be as obvious or immediately dangerous as drugs or alcohol, but they are nonetheless behaviors that over the long-term are not healthy for me (or for those that have to deal with me). My last two weeks were a good example — loads of fun but not sustainable.
Many of us begin each year with high hopes and dreams to accomplish new goals or establish new habits. We do it at work too. I’m going to take good notes at each sales call. I’m going to keep my inbox clean. I’m going to focus on my most critical tasks before jumping into email. I’m going to do a safety share with my team every morning. I’ll inspect the maintenance bay at least once a week. Whatever it is, those new habits are hard to form. Research conducted by exercise tracking app, Strava, using over 800 million user-logged activities in 2019 predicts that the average person gives up on their New Year’s Resolution January 19th. I made it to January 26th!
So if you’re like me, if you’ve fallen off your personal or professional wagon — if you or your team has fallen back into old habits — don’t beat yourself up. Figure out what happened, what the trigger was that broke the new habit you were trying to set and set a new plan to deal with them. And remember my old friend, Russ. Get back on the wagon as fast as you can because you have only six more times to fail…before you’re average.
Onward!
Jeff
