I spent the last two weekends at the graduations of two of our daughters – one from high school and one from college. I am a sucker for good speeches. I especially like graduation speeches. There is something about the art of trying to impart some wisdom upon the next generation – the talent, the eagerness – that I find fun. Life is so full of promise. Thus, as I listened to the long roll-call of names and watched the young adults walk across the stage toward their next phases of life, I began daydreaming of what I might say. What advice would I give to young graduates today? What do I wish I had known then?
So here it goes – my attempt at some form of a graduation “speech.” If it helps, imagine it being given by James Earl Jones in his friendly baritone voice.
Dear family, friends, distinguished professors, and alumnus…and most of all to the graduates of the class of 2023 — congratulations on an incredible journey. You made it! You are the class marked and shaped by COVID. Your freshman year was interrupted, you were sent home and you had to adapt. You persevered. You wore the masks, took the tests, and moved your lives further online. Yet you learned together and survived together. Your four years were unlike what any of us in front of you could have imagined. Many of you have experienced loss, hardship, and isolation, the likes of which youngsters shouldn’t have to face. Making matters more challenging, you enter an adult world that is angrier and more divided. Indeed, it is a world marked by change and in need of change.
I could go on (and would love to) but you’re falling asleep and won’t remember this anyway, so let’s get to the work stuff. I write a blog about leadership and working in the corporate world, so here’s my top 10 list of work-related advice.
- Your education has just begun. If your university did its job, it not only taught you a few specific skills but a love of learning. I hated reading growing up. My parents used to try to pay me to read books. I refused. School was school and reading for fun or for knowledge was out. But the greatest gift my university gave me was the spark. I remember the day. Following a freshman year jammed with dozens of dense, challenging reading, I randomly picked up Michael Crichton’s Rising Sun when I should have been studying for finals. I read it straight through. I got so engrossed that I remember wishing I could read faster. I haven’t stopped since. More importantly, the learning is every day. Life has so many lessons, but only if you want to learn them. Indeed, I’ve learned more in the last 2 ½ years in this job than in the last 10.
So don’t stop. Keep reading. Keep exploring and keep learning. If you don’t, whatever skills you happen to have will be outdated in a few years, and you’ll be fearing change the rest of your career. It’s a tough way to live life. Get curious and keep learning and the winds of change will carry you to destinations you couldn’t imagine yesterday.
- Passion follows work. “Follow your passion” is terrible advice. I envy the precious few who know early on in life exactly what they want. But the rest of us are simply trying to figure it out as we go along. I’m on my fourth career, depending on how you count. I’ve loved each of them. But I think it’s because I’ve fully committed to each one. So jump in. Put your head down. Go to work on anything. Get really damn good at something. That is where your value is. The rewards will come. That success will build passion, which will lead to more rewards. It takes time and work. And not all of it is fun. You didn’t love your sport the first time you played it. You didn’t love playing your instrument the first time you tried it. But through work, your interest grew. Now you can’t remember not loving it. Work is the same. And as an added bonus, if you dive in and — after giving it more than the college try — you find something else more interesting, you can move on knowing it was not for you.
- Show up. I was told a story about a sign that hangs over the entrance to the gym at one of the military academies that says, “The hardest ⅔ of your workout is now over.” I can’t find any proof but I love the thought. So much of life is about showing up consistently. Whether you feel like it or whether you want to. Tired? Pissed off? Depressed? Hung over? It doesn’t matter. You need to show up and put in the work. Some days you’ll be full of piss and vinegar. Others will be boring as sin. Some will suck. Show up anyway. And not just physically, but mentally. Grind through it. Like lifting heavy weights makes you stronger, grinding through tough times makes you better. And if you’re really struggling, see number 9 below.
- Life’s a jungle gym, not a ladder. I borrowed this from Sheryl Sandberg in her great book, “Lean In.” The corporate ladder is a poor metaphor. Its much more like a jungle gym; sometimes you have to go sideways or down to get where you want to go. If you don’t know exactly where you want to go, focus on gaining skills and experience rather than titles. When looking for bosses, find the best teachers; those who will challenge you and support your growth.
- Thank God for unanswered prayers. Several months ago, I was asked to write about four or five experiences that shaped my life. The clear theme running through them was that the moments that most shaped me occurred following times when I didn’t get what I wanted. I was cut from the varsity basketball team my junior year. I was assigned to the Army’s infantry branch out of Princeton. I was dumped by the woman I thought at the time was the love of my life. I got fired. Each hurt like hell. Each time I was furious. But all of them allowed for personal growth. Most importantly, they led me to a better place, a lesson in humility and perseverance, unmatched leadership training, a great wife of 24 years (and counting!), and a dream job. Life will shit on you at times. It will seem unfair. You will get knocked down. It’s ok to get mad. It’s ok to have a pity party. But keep it short. And then get going. There is real growth in the struggle.
- Only worry about the next five years. Having your “whole life” in front of you can be overwhelming. There are too many choices, which can lead to paralysis and anxiety. I remember freaking out about my future too. Thankfully, I had my father. His advice was simple. “Just pick something you think you want to do for the next five years. Life changes too much, too fast to plan much beyond that.” It’s been great advice. You don’t need to change the world tomorrow. Your choices are not permanent. Life is long and there will be tremendous changes. I had no clue that the profession I’m in now even existed when I graduated. And if you’d asked me whether I’d be living in the Southeast, I would have laughed at you. Yet I’m loving what I’m doing and where I’m living.
- You can love the Army but the Army is never going to love you back. I got this advice from an early commander. The same is true in the corporate world. Unless you work for yourself or own the company, you are part of a large organization. That organization may tell you it values you, but it will always look out for its best interests first. And if those interests collide with yours, or its needs do not match yours, you’re out. So yes, lean in. Yes, work hard. Yes, bring “you” to the office. But never forget to protect yourself in case things change.
- Happiness is found in serving others. I call the decade between 18 and 28 the “me decade” because you will be focused on yourself. Its one of the reasons college is so much fun. You are trying to figure out who you are independent of your parents. It’s great and likely necessary, but it will not bring you long-term happiness. Happiness is about helping others. Love is only something you gain by giving it away. Similarly, happiness is found in finding a cause greater than yourself and serving others. I was lucky in that my career began in the Army. I knew exactly why I got up each morning. But I struggled for a while after I left. I struggled to find my ‘why.’ Eventually, I found a way to serve people again and everything changed. So when you’re sad, lonely and/or depressed, check your focus. Are you focused on you? It can happen so easily, particularly when you’re down. But getting out requires the opposite. Focus on others. Reach out. Volunteer. Build others up. Lend a hand. Lead. Write a thank you note. Anything for others. That love you show will reflect back and bring you to a better place.
- Be the “Somebody”. You are likely to encounter a lot of complainers in your work journey. They are great at spotting problems and even better at telling people about them. “Somebody should fix that.” “Somebody should do something about that.” “Somebody should pick that up.” If you want to stand out, be the somebody. Find the problems and go to work fixing them. Your company hired you to help them solve problems. They believe you are worth the investment. So focus on solving problems. A hint: most of the real problems are in the cracks, between people or between departments. They don’t have specific owners. Why not you?
- Life is amazing. Work can be too. I have been incredibly blessed in my work world to have worked with so many great people across a wide range of industries. I have made amazing friends. I have learned more than I could imagine. I have laughed a ton. I have cried a lot (seriously…I get that from my mom) and by and large loved the experience. So get out there. Don’t fear it. Don’t dread it. Jump in! It’s worth it. Sure, it’s not always fun. Your company will not always love you. Bad sh*t will happen. But if you approach it with curiosity and a love of learning, give much of yourself to it, help serve others and solve problems, it can be amazing…and a ton of fun. You will make incredible friends, see some amazing things, and contribute to making the world a better place.
Congratulations again. I am proud of you and while the world may seem to be darkened by gathering storm clouds, I am hopeful for the future because of you and your friends. I can’t wait to see what you’ll do and where you’ll take us. Good luck!
Onward!
Jeff
